I didn’t know how much being in a relationship terrified me until I entered one after my last unhappily ever after.
That sounds dramatic.
Yea sure I agree.
But as foolish as I feel admitting it, getting over my last break-up was the darkest time of my whole life. Not because he was so great, but because I'd never been alone before. ever. The pit I was in was so deep that I actually thought that I’d never find my way out.
Of course now I feel silly thinking back about it, but who’s to say that if this next go-round turns to crap for whatever reason that I won’t be right back in it?
I get nauseous just thinking about it.
What’s worse is that I never talk about true feelings - I have this annoying/stubborn complex that forbids me from admitting any weakness/sadness/vulnerability. My whole life I’ve managed to cover up pain with humor, which is relatively easy until I’m alone with myself and the jokes just don't seem as funny.
I know I’m young and probably don’t even begin to grasp life’s real trials and tribulations…
but I’m nervous. Afraid even. In all seriousness, I’ve identified the terrifying part
...the thought of somehow surviving another relationship that ends in a Taylor Swift song.